Love Is In The Air

“Fuck you!”—I cried out.

“What?! How dare you! You will not use such objectionable language in my presence! Learn some manners, Raam!”—Supreah retorted back.

Girlfriends….! They can be so difficult at times. God alone knows (does he?) what goes inside the female mind. My girl makes faces every time I use an expletive. And I guess it is true to every Indian woman (I have seen in a few movies that some foreign women also hate men who abuse). It drives me crazy when my girl tries to curb the male natural instinct to swear and abuse. Come on, she should learn to accept that it is the masculine way of life. But hey, I also love her a lot. So, whenever she gets angry, I have to run after her, trying to manao her. Today also, it is my turn to play lovey-dovey to my girl.

“Baby, when I used the F-word, I just wanted you to understand that I want to make love to you. It is such a wonderful day today!”

“That is just not the way to say that to a girl, even if she is your girlfriend.”

“But it is not a bad word, you know. Do you know what FUCK means?”

“Hmmmph….go ahead.”

“See, in medieval England, stringent rules were prevalent. A man and a woman could enter into a sexual relationship only when they wanted a baby. So, whenever a couple decided to have a baby, they had to seek permission from the King. The King used to issue a royal decree, which the couple used to hang from the door while they did the act inside. With time, the acronym FUCK came out, which meant “Fornication Under the Consent of King”.

“Really? I didn’t know that! Wow! I know it is tough to argue with you but I think today you have put your foot in your mouth. As you said FUCK is associated with baby-making, explain the logic behind using that word in our case.”

“I have strong logic, honey. It was an outright proposal for you to think about having a baby with me.”

“A baby? Are you crazy? We are not even married!”

“Dumbo! That was also a marriage proposal!”

“Huh? Is that a way to propose to a girl?”

“You don’t want me to do ambush marketing while proposing to you, right?”

“Ambush marketing? Now where did that come from?”

“Remember the Salman Khan-Revathi starrer film, Love? It was a box-office disaster, but it had a song titled We are made for each other, where different brands were advertised in a random manner. Old Spice, Colgate tooth paste, Nivea cream etc. were some of the brands that featured in that song. That is called ambush marketing. That was the way Salman proposed to Revathi. You want me to do that?”

“Pooh! You smart guy! Do you know how much you irritate me? I feel like banging you sometimes!”

“You are always welcome to bang me in bed! He! He!”

“Very funny! No babies before marriage.”

“I know! I don’t want my child to be called son-of-a-gun”

“What’s that?”

“An illegitimate child is often referred to as son-of-a-gun. The sea-faring English used to take “pleasure women” with them when they were out on long voyages. Very often, a woman used to get pregnant; and when the delivery date came closer, she was sent to gun-powder room, where she could deliver the child, without any interference. From that emerged the phrase, son-of-a-gun. It is an expletive, by the way.”

“Oh shit! When will you stop using expletives?”

“You just used one yourself!”

“I did? Oh shit!”

“Again! But don’t worry, it is not offensive. “Shit” is actually an abbreviation for “Ship High in Transit”. In the olden days, dung manure used to be carried on ships. When the manure dried up, it would emit methane gas that would flare up after coming in contact with the sun-light. Subsequently, the dung was stocked high up in the mast of the ship so that it remained moist. The call for “Ship High in Transit” became synonymous with dung manure. Eventually, it came to be used in its popular connotation.”

“Ok! See, I always use the good expletives. I am good and you are bad!”

“I am?”

“Yes! But I love you that way. You are my baddie buddy!”

“Oh! I love you too! If you are not angry anymore, can we just go and have Britannia Little Hearts? ” (Ambush marketing...he!he!he!)

“Yup!”

“Do you know its punchline?”

“What?”

“Its Love is in the air.”

“Now you will tell me the etymology, right?”

“Wrong! I will tell you that next time! Let’s go now.”